Space On The Couch

If I’m being frank, I debate quitting this blog about once a week due to insecurity. In fact, this is the third blog I've started. I don’t mean to say this to fish for compliments, but to point out that I'm doing this while feeling afraid. When I was in college, I had a blog where I posted outfits every day. After quitting that one, I started a blog while living abroad. I have a habit of starting and quitting. Let's just say I’m doing the work to understand why I create and then delete. I don’t have an answer for you other than I have a deep fear of putting myself out there, and I think that’s a universal feeling.

Part of why I loved the new Barbie movie was that the "weird" Barbie was the one that helped the characters move forward, learn, and heal. Embracing the weird part of my personality that makes people "uncomfortable" is difficult. It’s like when you finally muster the courage not to wear makeup to work, and then someone tells you that you look tired.

I wish I could tell you I cared about what people think, but not enough to let it inhibit my "art." I’m trying to sit with myself first and figure out how I feel about my writing or recipes before opening myself up to feedback. I’m reminding myself that people’s assumptions and gossip are not my responsibility.

I think when we’re afraid, it’s easy to quickly try and brush it aside with motivational sayings. In some ways, I think it’s helpful. But, if I don’t address my fear or understand why it’s there, I think it will resurface. Rather than bandaging my fear, I’m asking myself, “Why are you afraid?”

I don’t have the answer to that question completely answered. All I know is it’s time to make space on the couch to sit with her.